So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
