Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
