Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
