That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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