Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
