I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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