It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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