I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
