piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
