he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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