how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That was an excessively violent trivia night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
