it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
