i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
