I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
