i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
