They should really pass out barf bags in church
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
