I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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