the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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