so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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