i think i have two assholes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
