Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
