Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Banned from zoo.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I believe in your delicious
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex