you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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