you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.