I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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