my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
