Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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