last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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