I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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