its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
