woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
