does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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