This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
