could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
