Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
