I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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