After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
