he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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