i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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