yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
