They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got inside last night via doggy door
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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