I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
