youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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