ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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