She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize