We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
