My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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