I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
