Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
