ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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