Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
