**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
