I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
