I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
