the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize