Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
