If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
