dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
