Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
