my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize