your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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