So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
