You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
