His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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