Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
