Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
